Most of the adolescents I work with don't understand their role in the family. At this stage of development, they are ego-centric and have a sense of entitlement. The role of parents is to lovingly and attentively teach their children life skills. The role of teens is to learn from their parents how to manage their time, money, emotions, and priorities. Autonomy is the desired end result.
One of the first things teens need to understand is the difference between their rights and privileges.
According to Tracy Mallett*, kids have the following six rights: Food, clothing, shelter, love, supervision, and education. Anything else is a privilege.
More specifically, this means that kids have the right to healthy meals and snacks. The Harvard School of Public Health has published this "Healthy Eating Plate" guideline.
Junk food, fast food, sweets, soda pop are privileges. Another privilege would be helping choose what is on the menu.
In this category I am also including the right to health and dental care.
Children have the right to clean, weather-appropriate clothing. In some families it may be considered a privilege to have several changes of clothing, new clothing, designer clothing, money to buy clothing, and for someone to launder their clothing.
The right to shelter would include a place to live and sleep, protected from the elements, as well as a private place to bathe. A privilege in this area would be having one's own room, a lock on the door, and perhaps a bed frame. Other privileges would be having access to a television, computer, video games, phone, and other possessions.
Tracy Mallett stated, "Children have the right to be loved. Privileges include one-on-one time with parents, choosing the family’s activities, and sitting in the front seat of the car."
Children have the right to be properly supervised by a responsible adult who establishes boundaries and limits. Privileges would include social interactions with friends, hosting parties, having a parent drive them to activities, participation in sports, etc.
Children have the right to a learning-friendly environment. New school supplies, tutoring, and private lessons would be a privilege.
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